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High Voltage Grinds My Heart…

I want some Girl Scout cookies, like bad. I’ve been craving some Samoas or Thin Mints for weeks now and am suffering because it’s impossible to find Girl Scouts selling them. I don’t understand why they don’t have stores selling them year round, or at least let me order them off the internet. Seriously, I’d imagine their sales would explode if they had web ordering year round. I mean, what are the positives of the way they do it now? Is there a point in making me hope some young girl knocks on my door selling some cookies? Do they really think that’s the best option? I know they love their whole “randomly set up tables in Wal-Mart parking lots” version of Russian Roulette they play with my cookie pains, but I think it may be driving me insane. The only explanation I can come up with is that the Girl Scouts is run by a Julia Child-esque old lady who’s never heard of the internet and every time someone suggest online sales she accuses them of witchcraft and then burns them at the stake. (Side-note: Okay, let’s take the whole burning at the stake bit out of that equation and you’ve got to admit, it kinda makes sense. More importantly, it’s effing hilarious to think that’s the way it is. I can just imagine the old lady getting super pissed any time some young troop leader mentions Google or anything else that came about after the year 1965 and orders them to immediately turn in all her badges and never talk about Scouts again.)

I’ve never hid the fact that as far as game developers go, High Voltage Software has the key to my heart. The Conduit is, IMO, the best FPS on Wii and could easily hold its own against most of the big boys the HDC’s could throw at it. When the company announced their four player co-op shooter The Grinder, I was here hyping it up. When the company made the announcement last month that the game was now being developed for all the next-gen consoles, I stood by them like Bonnie would for Clyde. But now I’m afraid they may have gone too far. They held a private showing of the Left 4 Dead style game showing off a level for the 360 at GDC this week. No, I wasn’t there to see it and, frankly, I’m glad of it as I’m not sure I could have contained my emotions. Apparently they have decided that since the 360 & PS3 have an exorbitant amount of FPS’ for gamers to choose from, they needed to make The Grinder a top-down shooter. I KNOW!!! Apparently all the love the company has had for the Wii has gone out the window thanks to the new girls and their shiny graphics. They don’t care about the massive amount of Wii gamers who love and respect the company and expect them to be one of the companies pushing the console to its limits. (Side-note: I’m writing this in a hair salon as I’m waiting for Mrs. Mike to get finished, so let’s blame that for the melodramatic tone this paragraph has taken on…) Look, I’m not at a point right now where I feel ill will towards High Voltage, but I am disappointed. I expected The Grinder to be an amazingly fun experience and one that is unique to the Wii. Sure, it may still be unique, but I also expected them to try their best to deliver a FPS that would be worthy of taking the crown away from The Conduit. While the company has made no statement on the Wii version of the game, I can’t imagine them developing the FPS that we deserve at the same time as the top down abomination that they showed at GDC. Even if they have chosen not to deliver the game we originally saw, it pains me to know that they’ve done so for the sake of Sony & Microsoft fanboys. You cut me High Voltage, you cut me real deep.

I don’t want to end the week on a depressing note, even if it is raining in The A and I feel like the sun is mocking me high above the clouds. Gametrailers has some footage of the monstrosity that has become of The Grinder, but since it’s running on the 360 and I’m pretty sure I’d need a rush dose of Prozac if I put it up, I’m not going to. Follow the link if you enjoy pain and suffering and heart ache. (Side-note: I’m going for an all-time high mark on the depressing post scale, FYI. We can do it!!) While the news of HVS’ possible betrayal certainly is something to be angry about, EA is here to cheer us up. Apparently Spike (the channel not Mr. Lee) is going to have some sort of major NBA Jam blowout tonight that is sure to show the game in action. Thankfully the awesome guys at Kotaku have no patience for waiting and have posted a clip that shows 10 seconds of the game in action. I’m not even sure I have the words to describe the sheer fury of epicness that these 10 seconds hold, so I’ll just let you watch for yourself. As soon as any more videos of NBA Jam show up, you can find it here. Enjoy, and stay thirsty my friends.