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Mario & Messi Sittin’ In A Tree…

I’m sitting here, on my couch, with the lovely Mrs. Mike, and we’re watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion special or show or whatever the hell Bravo is calling it. I don’t know how many of you watch this show, but it is super ridiculous. Sometimes I think there’s no way the “ladies” on this show take themselves seriously. The worst has got to be Kim, the 50 year old blonde who has convinced herself that she’s like 27 or something. I swear to God, the past two minutes have been her yelling about how good she looks. She also thinks she can sing. She got all auto-tuned up for a god-awful “song” called, Tardy For The Party. It’s so horrible, but this lady really thinks it’s a hot-fire-joint. She’s kind of like the super pathetic kids who try out for American Idol because their parents are just as dumb as them so they’ve convinced each other that the kid can sing and should do it for all of America to watch on national TV. I really don’t get it, how can these people not see how un-talented they are and how much better we’d all be if we had never heard of them. But no, there’s no way back from here. Kim and Kate and Jon and All Eight annoying-and-doomed-to-live-a-life-on-par-with-Corey-Feldman-Kids are here to stay and torment the rest of us. The tabloid magazines will shove them down our throats ad nauseum, and eventually you’ll even have to read about it on your favorite videogame blogs. I’m sorry, but if I have to watch it right now you guys get to read about it.

Allow me to make it up to you guys though. You like that title huh? Yeah, I know you do, especially if you know who Mario is. I know my audience, and am quite sure you all know who Messi is, and that he’s probably the greatest footballer in the world. I also know that you all know how much it pains me to say that since he was part of the dagger team that broke my heart in Rome last May. United just didn’t stand a chance against Barca. Despite that loss, I admire Messi immensely. He’s like 5′6 and I’m guessing he weighs maybe 135. In other words, he and I are about the same size, though I may have a couple inches on him. When you see him on a pitch you are seeing magic, and I’m very much looking forward to his play this season and at the World Cup. I do however hope he fails in the Champions League. He can leave that magic in Barcelona, Madrid in May belongs to the Glory that is Manchester United. He’s also the coverboy for PES 2010. You all know how I feel about Pro Evo on Wii, that it’s the best football to be played on ANY console. That FIFA and EA are getting absolutely owned by the team at Konami is something that makes me sad. They have such an opportunity, and have done so well on other consoles, but continually drop the ball with the Wii. One day I believe they’ll close the gap, but this is Pro Evo’s time. Don’t believe me? You will once you check the trailer that will be about posted in about 7 or 8 sentences. As for the other titular character in my title, he’s just a plumber who has a brother. Some say they’re Super, and I’m not one to argue that. Mario loves a princess who was kidnapped by some weird turtle-dragon hybrid beast. (Side note: Seriously, what the eff is Bowser? Is he just a turtle? How does he spit fire? He’s got to have some dragon in him. We should get him and Koopa on Maury Povich for a “Who’s My Real Daddy and Why Can I Breathe Fire” episode. I’d watch that for sure.) Bowser typically puts the Princess, Peach, in a castle and Mario gets Luigi and they go from castle to castle robbing the place looking for her. Yes, they are robbers, pirates, plunderers in plumbers outfits who get their Debo on whenever they can. Every gold coin is up for grabs if you ask those two bandits, I’m totally onto them. If you want to learn more about the unknown Dread Pirate Mario, then watch the video preview of his next heist, New Super Mario Bros., which will be just below the PES 2010 trailer that is right below this line, and above the Mario preview that is below it. Enjoy, and stay thirsty my friends.